


somebody else might take my place

by yaomomosan (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 12:30:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19701400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/yaomomosan
Summary: you were supposed to only have one soulmate. instead, you have two.





	somebody else might take my place

You were supposed to only have one soulmate. Instead, you have two.

You aren’t all that upset. The best things come in pairs, after all, and that’s something that your mother has told you ever since she tied your shoelaces. You still remember how Tsumu used to look at you from the corners of his eyes, smile a little, tighten his hold on your hand. _Hear that?_ _I was born for you._ There was enough sweet there for them to weather through the bitter. Tsumu was sweet then, too. Maybe you were the same, once upon a time. Maybe.

Your first soulmate is your twin brother. You’ve known this since you were kids, watching as the red thread laid across your knees to his lap—and it didn’t change anything because what needed to be changed? It was perfect this way; you being soulmates didn’t surprise you. How could it, when Tsumu was somehow always there, with his intense eyes and the grim line of his mouth, the lightness written the lines of his body when he holds a ball. There was something else there too, you’re sure. The surety of the way the strings of both your lives were tied together, tangled more like. The truth of when he said _hey, ‘Samu, I was born for you._ You’ve memorised the planes of his body, the warmth of his hands, the way his hair feels underneath your fingers, the way _‘Samu_ sounds when it slips out of his mouth.

The second—you meet later. Tsumu’s feet on your lap, the idle chatter that came with years together, the familiarity that is almost mundane. His name is Kita Shinsuke, and he’s beautiful. Simple, strong, and dependable. Everything he does reaps rewards. You learn to fall in love with his earnest simplicity, his extensive collection of ornate tea cups, and his steady love for his grandmother, told patiently in picture frames hung on walls and sang through sweet lullabies.

You don’t think a lot about what it means. It might be more fitting to say that you ignore it whenever you can. Even when Tsumu has his fingers laced with yours, and his eyes are too honest for you to step away from, you turn away. Tsumu has always been like that. He has too much of everything on his mind to even _think_ about what this might entail. It isn’t bad to have them as soulmates, even as Atsumu bristles and Kita scolds, even when their strings tangle together so much that you threaten to cut yours off at least once a week.

You never do, of course. It would be too painful to see the thread fall away, leaving only misery in its place.

”You love me, right, ‘Samu?”

”What kinda question is that?”

”Would it kill you to at least _pretend_ —”

You think that if love is this simple, then that’s what you feel. It’s how Kita-san sends you your favorite puddings, wrapped neatly in cute little bows, and how he waits for you outside your last class, and how his hand lingers on your shoulder during a particularly draining practice. It’s how ‘Tsumu sits next to you in the bus, says some real nasty things that you know he never means. It’s how he demands perfection from everyone, but most of all, himself. You’re greater, bigger, you have more potential, but Tsumu eats up everything in his path like an ever present blackhole. It’s like standing in the middle of a hurricane, shielding his eyes from the gale but unable to look away from how it consumes.

_God, I can’t lose him._ You don’t want to lose him, his idiosyncrasies, his shitty attitude, the way his lips pull up a little when you do something funny. Even if it’s something like tripping over a rock. You never said he wasn’t an asshole. _I can’t lose him._ Not to anyone. Not to anyone. Because you love them, and they have to love you too, you’re stringed together, aren’t you? Simple. _Simple_.

You should have taken into account that reciprocation needs the acceptance of all parties. Something about stagnancy is similar to suffering. You learn how it feels to sink and struggle and suffocate all at once. You think it’s because you’ve never said. Stayed silent when Tsumu asked and when Kita looked at you, with the question he never has to say to properly convey. Looks away when they touch hands, like you don’t want to reach out yourself. The way you try to pretend it isn’t happening, how Kita-san changes when he blooms, and how ‘Tsumu doesn’t go to your room anymore, pretending to have had a nightmare.

_I’m scared._ Tsumu has never been scared of anything in his life. Now that you think about it, you’ve had little fears as well. You think this is the scariest one you’ve had so far.

You watch, hands clenched, when Atsumu pulls Kita-san in for a kiss in the locker room after they lose to Karasuno. You watch even as Kita-san responds, soft and steady and sure, and you think _this isn’t the first time._ It’s how the familiarity bleeds into how Atsumu bites into Kita-san’s ear, like he knows that’s where he should bite. It’s how Kita-san whispers, whispers _I love you_ like a secret, whispers whispers whispers it when he might as well have shouted it with the way it rings in your ears.

You belong to both of them. It’s written in the stars, sewed into the patchwork of life. You’re supposed to be right there with them, smiling and kissing and exchanging _I love you’s,_ like it’s supposed to mean something. You wanted it to be like that. You wanted to wake up in the morning with both Kita-san and Tsumu there, and you wanted to be happy, you wanted to be so, so happy.

You turn around. It’s no use getting angry when this is something you don’t think you could’ve stopped even if you wanted to.

You were supposed to only have one soulmate. Instead, you got two.

Now you think that you don’t even have one.


End file.
